i am deathly afraid of people. i struggle. it's difficult to accept liking women. i am filthy. i want to disappear. i keep thinking that i want to feel a woman's body, completely neutrally. i feel humiliated. i'd want to wear a mask and gloves so she wouldn't be forced to see me or feel my skin. just once, if it was okay, because i feel like i need to know. not romantically, not strangely, i promise. please, forgive me. i barely think about it, but when it occurs to me, i can't get it out of my mind. it's painful. i'm not lonely, i don't feel human. i'm okay with being this way forever, i can barely use the internet, let alone go outside. i feel fragile and unstable. i could never form another human connection. but for a girl to let me touch her, just once, maybe it would be enough to absolve me of this shame. just to feel a little less wretched. and to feel someone breathing under my hand. it could heal me. i promise that's all i'd ever ask. i would never meet her again. forgive me