Sometimes my parents make me want to kill myself. I know I shouldn't say this as some kids don't even have parents but no matter what I do my parents never seem to feel proud of me or want to have a relationship with me. They treat me like garbage which makes me act out. I can't wait to move out so I'm out of their hair.

I am ***this*** close to using my mom's credit card to buy myself a jacket I'm dying to have. The price is super reasonable and the seller is giving a bundle of free stuff with the purchase. I have pics of her card on my phone and the all numbers plugged in... I just need to hit the checkout button. It's sooooooo tempting. I want new clothes so bad and ever since I got caught shoplifting it's been so hard. I used to get new things whenever I wanted and now I can barely sneak new earrings. God, I want this sweater... the shopaholic in me is saying it will solve all of my problems and I believe her. Ahahah, also did I mention it's 2am and I have finals tomorrow? Classy. I probably sound like a total brat here, sorry about that. I promise I'm not, I just have a lot of emotional issues and I tend to think the solution is in material objects. It often is, at least for a couple days. Then it's back to depressionsville USA.Thanks.

I am not sure how I feel about my girlfriend all the time. I'm a woman, and she is the first person I have ever dated. I have never even kissed anyone else. I have dated her for a long time now and think i'm going to marry her. Sometimes I wish I could have sex with a guy, just for the sensation. I have tried to tell her, but I think she is worried that she is not enough. She is more than enough, I think I just have a higher sex drive than her. I worry that this together with my mental health struggles, and our collective inexperience will make our relationship not work out in the long run. I wonder if im a bad person for seeing the end while I still have something and someone so pure and loving and wonderful?

I really don't know if I'm acting or not when I show off my emotions to anyone. I'm not an actress or anything but I do read stories and watch movies that sometimes I copy their act. I notice this half a year ago, when the doctor's been explaining the terrible news about my Mom, and also in her death bed. I was crying but then in the middle, there's this small me on my head saying "Your just acting" or "Is this real crying?". After that i've always been doubtful of myself whether i'm acting or this is real, specially when I lash out because of the shitty life after Mom. I don't know anymore.

I've always felt like I was inferior to everyone. I know I'm not, but that feeling has always stayed in the back of my mind. I look out the window of a vehicle going 80+ and wonder what would happen if I jumped out the door. Would it hurt (of course it would). Would I die? Maybe. Would people ultimately be ok if I did? Probably. Everything I've done is to push myself to improve who I am. To like who I am. To take care of those I care about. They're totally worth all of it. I've gotten my bachelors. I'll have my masters in March. I have multiple associates. I have two amazing sons. I'm close to retirement with the military, and have so many options available to me. I've had multiple people tell me they want me to do one thing or another because it would be amazing, that I'd do so well. I see my friends, all amazing people with huge hearts. And feel I'm not worthy of their friendship. I just can never get rid of this feeling of inferiority. I'm outgoing to forget, but when I'm alone..

The first time I was sexually assaulted was when I was 12. Started by my brother-in-law innocently wrestling with me, but quickly evolved into his hands massaging my chest and exploring other parts of my blooming body. I didn't know what to do as his lips grazed my neck; that was the first panic attack I ever experienced. I thought I would die; I couldn't breathe, couldn't talk, couldn't anything. I was paralyzed. When everything started to dim, the Brother-in-Law started to shake me. I remember how everything felt like it was in slow motion suddenly jolting to 4x. I couldn't understand what had happened, or if it were even real. As I grew older, He kept finding me alone. I don't know how many times he came to me over the years, but he only stopped when I confronted him. I am now what is referred to as an Adult Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. I feel obligated to reach out to others, if I can, but I am but one person. I hope this admission of weakness gives others strength.

When I was in first grade (i was 6), during class I was molested by another kid in my class. I felt violated. I can’t remember their name. They just reached over and put their hand in my pants, and I smacked their hand. Nobody saw because they were all paying attention to the teacher. I told him to stop, and the teacher told me to be quiet. I felt filthy after that and I didn’t want to tell my mom because I didn’t want her to think I’m filthy. I am 10 now and I finally decided to come foward. My mom was shocked when I told her this, and at first didn’t believe me.

Sarah, I still love you, I don't understand why you pushed me away, I can't imagine living without you. please, just take me back. I promise all of your fears and worries won't come to pass. please, I love you.