It's strange but people all think I'm a funny guy. I can make most anyone chuckle, people just seem at ease around me and think I'm a natural comedian. I've been told many times I should be a comedy writer. The problem is I only let them see the outside of me. Inside I'm screaming as loud as I can but nobody can hear me. I'm smilin' on the outside but desperate on the inside. I have to try really hard every night to think of any reason to go on till the morning. I feel like the world's biggest liar or hypocrite. Outside I'm confident and friendly, inside I envy everyone, hate myself and feel like I should've never been born. My favourite painting is

Okay im with the guy that i always want since i can remember. he is everything he opens doors, car doors and looks at me in a way that no one has. he brings a smile to my face when im mad at something. everything bad is gone when im with him. i can't stay mad at him for long. it sounds great and everything but i don't know if i love him. he goes to school for away from me, its an hour away and i don't get scared that he may cheat. i don't know is it because i trust him. why do i feel like that.??

i want to go back to being just friends with him. before we started doing anythng sexual. i feel so bad all the time and i deserve that but i just wish i could take everything that happened between us back. today he invited me over to watch a movie but i dont know if i should go cuz we will probably end up messing around. i just want to just be friends again. and not be sexual with eachother.

I love him. He strung me along, he got another girlfriend... but I still love him. He is my absolute everything. We're best friends, but he knows how I feel for him. He knows. He's told me he loves me, but I'm not sure if I should believe it. It's difficult. We talk all the time, but we live far apart from each other (relatively speaking, I'm only 18 after all). I don't know what to do. I love him so much. I'm willing to just be nothing more than a friend as long as he's happy. It's just not fair. I can give him so much more... if he were only willing to see it in me.

When I was 10 my cousin visted us to spend the night Hes a couple of years older than me, and he was always bragging about how he gave the best foot rubs to me and the family you know what ever, so he rubbed my feet before I went to bed. I feel asleep on the couch because we were wactching a movie and I didn't want to get up, but I woke up in the middle of the night because he was rubbing my legs and kissing them, and just kept going higher, if I hadn't pushed his hands off I don't know what he would have done. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal because I didn't know what he was doing or was planning on doing and just thought he was weird. But Now it makes me feel gross thinking about what he Could have done and how easily he could have over powered me. It makes me feel sick, and I am still very uncomfortable around him. But sometimes I try to tell myself that it wasn't his fault that its was mine for not going to my bed, but I know I'm just lieing to myself.

I am chatting with my ex-wife on a legal matter. She is going to have to get me DNA tested to prove I am not her daughters father. The real father is accusing me and denies her daughter is his. We haven't talked for over 15 years. We were married but separated when she got knocked up. Since chatting we began to discuss us. Next thing I know I am openly invited to visit with her, and bang like bunny rabbits. She has changed quite a bit sexually. She sent me photos and her panties for me to enjoy. She has now admitted to being bi-curious and wants me to bring a friend to our meeting on the paternity suit! Shitty part is I think I am going to do it. Want to know why? So I can leave her sticky, wet, and confused. I consider it payback for all the shit she pulled on me. I have been playing her all along in order to do this to her. I am going to tape it and send it to her husbands work. I admit I am going to love this. Payback is going to be a HUGE bitch.

You know what sucks? Being 16 years into a marriage, with children, a mortgage, careers, family obligations, etc., etc..., and you gradually realize that not only do you not love her any longer or care to be in her presense but that not breaking up with her - when you had the chance - way back when was by far the biggest mistake in your life. Now I truly understand the cliche

I hooked up with a guy who's had a girlfriend for over one year. They've already had sex and all we did was kiss so it makes me wonder, what was the purpose of that? I dont know his feelings on this. So I don't know if we should hook up again or if I should just bitch and get revenge at him for making me feel like crap. Oh, HIS GIRLFRIEND DOESN'T KNOW and seeing them together kills me.