I'm turning 21 in 2mths, and my family is starting to ask me what I want to do. But the thing is, I don't want a party, or any other sort of celebration. I know that I should, for them more than me, but I don't like the idea of the pressure to be polite and happy at a party, particularly when it's supposed to be mine. The other reason is that I don't feel like I have anything to celebrate sunce I have no direction in life, and am pretty much just drifting. Is it weird not wanting a party? I feel like I'm being selfish because I keep getting told it's a party for my family to celebrate me; but I don't want them to celebrate me! It seems stupid getting worked up over a party, but its really starting to get to me.

Standing there next to you and I want to cry. I love you, Tim. I love you. Not like a little girl anymore. I know you'll never feel the same, I don't have to ask. I love you and you'll never know. You can even hate me but I'll still love you.

i have to say that i love white men secretly dated one for a year, i atleast love the one's i have dated. but my family is african american/ hispanic mix i know that they have some issues with shit...... oh how i love the sex with him so good(:........ so who gives a shit

I'm not happy. I don't know if I ever have been. I can't be depressed, I take a high dose of anti-depressants for an unrelated condition. I'm in university but I haven't gone to class or done any work since fall term. I'm going to fail out but I don't care. I'm smart, I can do the work but I just can't make myself. I don't want to do anything productive. I think I might have killed myself save for the fact I don't believe in that. I might stop eating and let myself die but I could never eat so many pills or shoot myself. I'm done living. I just want to sleep. So that's what I do. But at a certain point my body won't let me sleep any more and I don't know what to do. I'm done with life, I've had enough, it's time for this to end. Why do I feel this way? This can't be normal.

I love you. A thousand times over. I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you.....

Pressure...it's everywhere. I am a chick with morals. I have yet to lose my virginity, and...sadly I keep wanting it gone. I sit here sometimes and I think of all the men I could be with. All the men I want to be with. I want to be held so tight that I feel as if he doesn't want to let go. I want to be laying next to him in a bed...I am not sure if this makes me some horny little slut...but yea, I just want to go out, find someone real quick and hope they are the one. I am not sure if I am making sense...but...I want to have sex...bottom line...and I want it to be with the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to lose it to the perfect stranger...I think it is mostly for the reason that I want to do it with the man I love is because I want to do it without the condom interference. Anyway, I want more than I should. I want to be devirginized...and I want a baby. I know I will not have either of them soon...but it is what I want...and I feel guilty for it.

I moved out of a lovely house cos of my flatmates. they told me they couldn't live with me. why? because i'm deaf and they didn't like repeating themselves, and apparently i'm argumentative - i prefer to think of it as sticking up for myself, which i was. i was told that i was to blame for all the arguments in the house. making me feel like crap. they upset me and told me they wouldn't mind if i wasn't there - i told them i was going for some fresh air, and didn't go back till about 4am when i told them i was stopping out - then they had a go at me cos they were worried! serves them right! now i've moved out, and the hell of it is - i miss them. and now life at uni sucks. i'm the one who has to start anew and i dont think i have it in me. they actually made me feel like i was in the wrong. i can't stop being angry with them and they can't see why. i feel like crying. stupid little things make me remember them, they're so petty! and now a sexist immature bloke has taken my room! thanks!

I used to have a perfect life. Everything was great, happy. Two parents, a loving boyfriend, support. Sure I didnt have many friends, but I had enough. But then I fell for you. I disreguarded my suspicions for you. And I dated you because I cared. Then I didn't care. But you wouldnt let me leave, would you? No, you told me you'd kill me if I hurt you. You even told me how you'd kill me, and yourself. I was afraid of you. So when you asked for it, I shut my eyes, shook, and tried to tell you I didint want to. I said I didnt want to, that I shouldnt. You said I owed you, that you diserved it. And I was afraid what you'd do. So you pulled down my pants, and only stopped when I was crying so loudly that someone might hear. Then you told me to go have a life without you, that you were done with me. Like you were giving me something to remember you by. And now I am happy again. I'll be getting married soon. It's been four and a half years. But I still want you dead.