People treat me weird because of the way I look. I'm young and pretty, but overweight, and I'm sick of the judgmental looks I get out in public. People sometimes stare, and usually if I see them staring, as soon as they see me looking back at them, they'll turn their heads all quick. People don't make eye contact with me like they should. I love myself and am honestly happy and confident. I have an awesome job and a BA in Telecommunications. I have an amazing significant other, and my family and friends are so close. But when it comes to strangers, everyone is so quick to judge. They treat me like I'm an idiot, and It sickens me.

I hate blacks. I hate arabs. I hate chinks. I hate every non-white person. I dont know why, but I just do. I'm two faced because when I talked to them at school, I pretend everything's cool. But when they turn their back, I would love to slit their throat. I could kill in a heartbeat, although this society doesnt allow me to. I believe problems in society start with ethnic groups. Why can't we have ethnic cleansing? Why can't people see that problems stem from race. I don't believe that they should be allowed to live. I'd like to kill the nigger sitting next to me right now. But what right do I have over others? Every right. I'm a fucking white supremist, bitches.

Here I am, sittin at the computer this time of night, with my eyes wide open, but tired atfter a long week.Something made me sit down and write my story. I have done so many bad things in my life, I`ve gone from hating myself to being arrogant and the other way round.I`ve gone form caring about myself only to loving people around me, I`ve gone from being a satanist to being a woman of faith ...

I'm in love with a woman almost 40 years my senior and have been for the past 4 years. She is happily married, has 2 daughters and four grandchildren, and, worst of all, is my teacher. We're friends and every time I have a conversation with her, I realize that I will never be able to have the one thing I want most in this world: her. I constantly feel guilty about harboring these feelings for her without her knowledge, but I know that if I tell her it will both kill the friendship and ruin her and I could never do anything to cause her pain. Michele, you will never know how much I truly do love you. Everytime I see you but can't hold you, it kills me a little more.

im sorry that i wore that skirt...
and im sorry that i ever bought that playboy bunny toungue ring...
and im sorry that i left my drink for one second without my hand on top of it...
and im sorry that you thought i was pretty...
and im sorry that i hadn't slept in 4 days...
and im sorry that i never eat and that im underweight and always sick...
and im sorry that i was even out at all that night...
and im sorry that my friend met a guy and left me alone...
and im sorry that when i passed out after finishing my drink that you caught me...
and im sorry that you had intentions...
and im sorry that now im damaged goods...
and im sorry that you raped me and didn't murder me after...
and im sorry that i have to be the one who's sorry instead of you...
and im sorry that you exist because it makes it impossible for me to...
and im sorry that being sorry can't fix this or fix me.

For the past couple of months, I have been talking to this one dude online...like every day. I have always had this thing in my head saying 'Don't fall for someone online, it will end in heart break'. So for the most part I have been pushing all of my feelings aside. I don't know what to do though...I mean...I literally fell for this dude and I don't think anything will ever happen between us. He is in...a whole other side of the US so, it isn't like I can just walk to his house. Anyway, he seems to like me as much as I like him...I think...I am not sure if I should just disown him completely or just go on the way I am doing now, wondering if anything will ever come from it.

I lie about everything (even my name) just so i dont have to face who i really am and im not sure i could stop even if i wanted too

I am really infatuated with this guy and I don`t know how to feel about it, sometimes i feel it is wrong, while sometimes I let myself think about him over and over again. It wouldn`t be a problem if he wasn`t married and had two kids. I don`t want to be a homewrecker, but I find it hard to get over him. If they had no children I`d probably steal him from her. What is a marriage without children anyway. He started flirting first, but nothing happened, but I can`t forget him...