I think I am falling in love with you. Nothing will change, it can't, we both know it.

today i contemplated again on ending my life. it's still the same plan as it was when i was 15; plunge from the top floor of my apartment block. i am 22 now and i have met the man who is deeply in love with me. he has told me countless of times that he wants to marry me and i would smile and reply that i would very much love to be the mother of his children. i am in my 3rd year of studies and in a few months time, i would graduate with a diploma. my family is intact. but why am i still playing that scene in which i would take my last leap? why do i keep playing it over and over again in my head like a grainy home video of my life? sometimes i wish i could fight these demons inside of me and sometimes i wish i had a terminal disease in which i do not have to omit my insignificant self in such a manner. it would be such a dirty mess. a bloody dirty mess of flesh and smashed bones. that wouldn't be very nice of me to make other people clean up after me even when i cease to exist.

I've been pregnant 3 times but I only have one child. He was my first pregnancy. Dr.'s said he would have down syndrome. Me and my husband said we didn't care and refused the test to know for sure because it could cause a miscarriage. He was born a beautiful, healthy, normal little boy. Second pregnancy: severe spina bifida. Best I could hope for was too horrible for hope. I had to choose to end the pregnancy. That's right. I had an abortion. You never know what you would really do until your faced with that situation. Third pregnancy the baby stopped growing at eight weeks. The asshole Dr. gave me some drugs that literally almost killed me. My baby was dead I was almost dead. God thank you for my son. God thank you. THANK YOU.

i'm 21 and have slept with 6 guys, only one of them (the 1st) was a long time boyfriend of mine. since him i haven't had a boyfriend in over 2 years. the latest 3 guys have pretty much been one night stands. without even realizing it i think i've become something of a slut.

I read a lot of erotic writings where the girls are being felt up on busses or trains, and other times when they're blackmailed (though I shy away from pure pain writings). I've read the entire Tiffany series by Dr.Wu (toying with tiffany, etc..), and there have been times I've read works with animals. Whenever I reflect, I'm disgusted by this and don't know why I do it, and I feel guilty afterwards. I'm a 16 yr old female, and I'm worried I'm way too sexually forward on my own. What if I end up messed up when I'm older or something?

i am dating someone and i think im in love with him... but I can't help but think of a guy i loved in High School, what would it be like?> Am I wrong to wonder?

Awhile back my best friend and I because friends with benefits (with absolutely no strings attached). It was probably the best relationship I have ever been in. But he recently went behind my back and bought me a present (I hate getting presents from people because I feel like I owe them something in return). The present turned out to be a bracelet with my middle name carved on it (Only my true friends know my middle name). To make matters worse now he is pleading for me to become his girlfriend even though he knows that I hate being in serious relationships. What should i do now? Break our amazing friendship and have him forget about me? Or let him keep pleading for me to become him girlfriend and remain friends with benefits? I'm so confused!!!

i've been in love a guy for so long its ridiculas but now i have finally met someone else who i really. Only problem is he not all that interested in having a girlfriend. I know it shouldn't but all this rejection makes me want to cry. I just feel so ugly and fat. I'm learning to love my bones instead of boys who hurt me.