I love him. I wish he were straight, so that he would love me too.

it's true.... isn't it?

i am in love with my best friend and he has recently hinted yet again he is too although i havent admited anything to him. I am in another country for around 6more months. My mum dosent want me to be with him she wants me to be with a gorgeous etc etc type.This conditions me very much and i cant help being scared to go against her. Plus i am an idealist perfectionist myself. Im not really that attracted to him but have thought of kissing him, im scared of commitment as i get very attached and i have been hurt, he has issues which i dont want to necessarily deal with. I am also at a stage in my life when i cant stop looking at other guys i know it sounds lame but ive never felt like this. I would prob feel differently if foundations to a relationship had been laid out. However my love/bond whatever for him is strong and i cant make it go away but so is my need to be free any comments id be grateful for. Yesterday i meet a hot, funny guy at a party and we swopped nos. and kissed! hmmmm..

he doesn't care about me the way he used to. it hurts more than i thought it could. i have to force myself to not think about it, and i've been taking painkillers to get myself to sleep. bastard

I use my anxiety disorder as an excuse to get out of doing things I'm afraid of.

I'm sorry I couldn't love you like you loved me...and I'm sorry I couldn't spend the rest of my life with you...and I'm sorry it took me so long to say these things to you.

i masterbate while driving

I want out with this boy that i don't like.Well he told me that everytime some girl breaks-up with him, somebody dies in his family. I broke up with him like a week ago, and just two days ago i found out that his aunt had just past away. I haven't talk to him yet but i feel that he is blaming it on me. I know its not my felt but i can't help think that it is. And know i don't know what to do about. Should I call him or leave it alone.