A happy post for once. I've had five PTSD flashbacks in the last three days, the final one being unbearably bad--I felt like I was being raped, but there was nobody there but me. What an awful experience. But the happy thing is, I've handled it so well. No self-destructive behavior like self-injury and no self-hatred thoughts and actions. I also haven't shut down... I've been going to work and it helps to be productive. I'm not depressed. I think I'm learning to deal with the PTSD just like a chronic illness, without letting it affect my baseline happiness. My boyfriend is not here for two months so I have been handling this on my own. I am SO freaking proud of me!!! Yay! Also to those trying to get over traumatic events... please know that healing is possible. I am living proof. Anyone who wants help dealing, message me and I'll give you my AOL screenname. I am no expert, but I would love to help anyway I can, even if just to listen.

i go away to college and had this amazing intense 5 month relationship with someone that became one of my best friends and we broke up because im transferring and he lives far away. we have had sex since we've broken up and sort of were messing around had two one last times. now a month after we broke up i started hanging out with my roommates friend and talking online and stuff once schools gotten out. so we get together one night and a week later he asks me to be his gf i tell him i dont know because the following week im going to boston to stay with my ex to see if we should bother to try to work things out. so i go and we have a second "one last time". and so to a certain extent before i went i chose my ex and then i sort of got turned down and now i think im going out the other guy since we hooked up again when i saw him a second time. so this week as soon as my new bf left i gave head to another guy who wants to have sex. i have to tell ex about new bf, not going to be fun.

I don't like admitting things like this, just makes me uncomfortable but why not, I read all of yours. There's this girl, K, that I got to know real well this year and sort of fell in love with. We fooled around for a while and she started telling me really messed up stuff, like how she was depressed and she cut herself and that she was afraid she was rubbing in off on other people. And i tried my best to help her and be there for her and she started pushing away, like I knew too much. We didn't speak for quite awhile and then she suddenly started up again, now, however, shes got some guy that is older and goes to a diff. school. I don't know what i think of her, but stuff like this guy, and places and songs remind me of her and get me back being stupid about her. This is stupid, forget it.

i am addicted to making confessions...how ironic

I have been reading your e-admits for a while now, some have made me laugh, some made me sad, and some made me sick inside...and more than a few turned me on. I wish that we all could just be ourselves and be able to share our secrets with people who are closer to us than strangers. My e-admit...could be many things...I was raped when I was 7 for 3 months...it's a long sick story, but now I think that men are all about sex. I do not beleive that men can be true and that relationships are about anything besides sex. The sad thing is, when I get online, I feel so lonely and want to be treated like a woman, so, I am more than happy to talk dirty...I enjoy it sometimes too. I have recently started masturbating like crazy as I do feel lonely...everyone needs that physical intimacy...wish it were with a decent dude though. That's all for today. Maybe I will tell you all more another day.

k well.. you see i have this great boyfriend but im totally inlove with this guy that is interested in my sister, i think about him all the time.. and since my boyfriend is outta town.. im even more into him.. i know i shoudlnt and its not like anything would ever happen between us but.. hes soo amazing and sweet.. and ugh i just want him.. i mena i love my boyfriend... i plan on marrying him but i just want one night with the guy that likes my sister

I tried to tell my boyfriend that I didn't want to have sex, because my brother molested me when I was 9. He says what happened 7 years ago shouldn't effect him, or our relationship. He's pissed. I don't think that I love him, now. He told my brother that I told him. My brother is pissed. I dreamt that my boyfriend and I had sex, and it hurt in my dream. It hurt bad, like my brothers fingers hurt when I was 9, and I cried. My boyfriend doesn't understand that I dream that he is hurting me. He said if we have sex, it won't hurt, and then I might be over it. I want to sleep for a long time, and have a good dream.

i have a very big problem i love gambling drugs and alcohol not very good things to mix. i have gotten myself into a lot of debt with a local money lender i really can't afford to pay him so he has given me a choice either i star in one of his dodgy gay porn films until i pay my debt off or he does something not very nice to me which could be bad.