I keep thinking about my ex from 4 years ago, he's in a happy place now and I don't want it another way for him. I really miss him and feel so alone. I feel like talking to him but I know he doesn't want anything to do with me. I've tried to get over him and move on but I can't see myself with anyone other than him. I really feel like contacting him but I fear rejection so much.

Some days, I miss drinking alcohol every day.;at least then, i had something to look forward to. i also miss being anorexic; at least then, I had a goal. finally, i miss you; at least then, I had a dream.

Im Maddie (Mary) Johnson of West Palm Beach have been clean for over 8 months now. When I was high I use to steal alot from Walmart where I worked to pay for my addiction. I use to steal from my mothers purse when I use to visit and stole her credit card once to pay buy things for my dealer for my addiction. I blackmaled my sister susan to give me money 3 times or I would tell her husband Bill she had cheated on him. I broke in to my mothers neigbors house and stole a watch and necklace then pawned it for my addiction. I stole Karen Thomas's (best friend) new iPhone and gave it to my dealer for my addiction. I then blamed it on Karen's other friend Melissa. I pushed oral sex three different times on Dr. Ian Shtulman around his office ( shtultman family chiropractic ) just so I could extorted him for money by telling his wife Sasha who was pregnant at the time. I slashed the tires of my ex Brian's car because he refused to give me more money for my addiction. I took my boyfriend's fathe

I never want to pay back my student loans. I want to let my credit rating sink and just have the banks call and leave voice mails and send letters which I will ignore. I will commit suicide before I pay back these loans, fuck it, I will spend the money that I should be spending on loan payments on alcohol and just drink myself into a stupor. It was the bank's fault for giving a dumb high school kid money and now 10 years later I don't want to pay them back and no one can make me. I will not pay them back even if I am compelled to do so by a court I will just make money on the side to live. I will let strange men fuck my asshole to make money out of the taxable spectrum of income and never give it to these fucking banks, ever.

The only thing stopping me from leaving my husband/high school sweetheart is fear of hurting his feelings. I'm afraid he'll be depressed and never get the help he needs but I have this unresistable feeling that I need to be free. I think I'm too sensitive, other times I think I'm a bitch for even thinking this way. Been conflicted and stuck for almost 4 years now.

I don't know how many nights I've cried over you. I feel so dumb for breaking up with you those tree years ago. I've moved on, but it still hurts, you know? And it hurts so bad nights like theese. It hurts to see that you've moved on too.

I feel like it was my fault that I was abused, and was beaten by a coach of mine. I feel so alone and on my own. I don't know what to do, I also have never had a girlfriend while everyone around me is talking about getting layed I ha sent even had my first kiss yet. I feel so worthless and just wish they're was some one, and someway I could help me get Through these feelings. Sometimes I wish I were dead and think that it was completely my fault I was abused. I just wish I could be someone else.

Feeling worthless and alone.. In a new country, everything is new, I cannot adjust... At times I feel like ending my life..