I guess it's nothing new or special but right now I can't really help myself so here I am. Although I knew for years that I'm not straight but never even said it out loud to myself. It seems impossible to just tell people who I really am. I guess I don't really know who I am myself and this is just a emotional breakdown that I'll feel awkward about later. But it seems an impossible jump that once started cannot be stopped. Cannot be taken back. And it's exactly because I can't make these jumps I feel like I'm standing on the edge of an abyss just waiting for the gap to increase. Perhaps I'm just a broken emotional wreck that can't trust even the best of people but even if I try I feel pushed away. Is this my cry for help? Not really. I just can't imagine not saying this even if no one ever reads it. Right now I just feel like I have to say this. I can't even imagine how cringey this is to read I apologise :P.