I used to be so scared of death, absolutely petrified. The more life goes on, the less I get scared of it. I am abused and neglected by family members, I am trying to recover from addiction of drugs and self harm, I have no partner, I'm trapped in a scary situation, I isolate myself from all my friends so I don't hurt them. Nothing seems worthwhile anymore. I'm getting more impulsive. I tied a belt around my neck and tried to strangle myself. I back out but I keep trying to do it, each time, going a bit further than the last, making sure my vision gets more and more blurry each time to prepare myself for the real thing. I have nothing to hang myself on but I'm sure I could find something if I tried hard enough. It probably won't happen, I'll probably pussy out of it, as I always do, but I like to keep my options open. My life is so miserable, I don't want it anymore. I'm so alone in this dumb world.