I was abused for a very long time and now my fears are coimg back to bite me in the butt phsyical abuse is not something that's easy to get over I need advice

When I'm studying at the library I always try to steal a peek to see what people are doing behind their computers. Meanwhile I'm terrified others do the same, because I'll feel ashamed being caught not being productive...

Lately I feel like my Father looks down on me. I've had this feeling off and on for years but it seems to be the worst yet. He made me cry before my road test today, which caused me to almost fail at getting my license, and when I talk about an upcoming job interview he just frowns. He never smiles around me anymore unless he's drunk and the joke is at my expense. I worry that he doesn't like me because of how I came around..? I feel like where I'm going in life is where he wanted my brother to go, not me, because to him I wasn't supposed to be in the picture.

I suffer from Misophony, and I become enraged by other people's breathing, sniffling, or coughing. But I subconsciously silence my own noises just in case anyone else around me has the same problem.

He is the actual oppressor and also the fun spoiler, party(party as in life) pooper, fun screwer . He wants me to just watch him have fun and not live my own life.Who corrupts me and everyone around me and in the end treats me like the actual juvenile deliquent when he is the one gaslighting me.He makes me feel like I'm in a cell when the real freaks(this one is literal) are loose. I just wish he didn't know I existed. He won't gaslight me this time. I'll admit he is really good in gaslighting, really fell for it everytime. I would always thought I was wrong, every-single-time. Have no words to describe what this dude did and still does to me. I'll never express it well enough. Lets say now I'm screwed . My personality aspects are glitched beyond repair, GLITCHED. My own thoughts make me uncomfortable and I never ever feeling secure. Nobody noticed I'm insane though, they only know it when I start having some sort of seizure or tourette but this is rare.

I am gay and have a crush on my bi best friend. She has no idea how I feel when she's constantly talking about her other crushes. One is a gay guy, and the other a straight girl. Can't she see me? There are other family complications

I have severe depression. I fight myself every day to hide it, because I am the rock for so many of my friends and family. I'm the tough guy. The problem solver. The hero. Mister Fix-It. I wear a fake smile and constantly entertain in hopes no one will ever know the real me. I have a nice life, good job, good pay, loving girlfriend great friends, great brothers and some awesome nieces and nephews. Despite all the wonderful things I can't find happiness. There is an emptiness inside me and it grows by the day. The voice in my head is brutal. Most are their own harshest critics, but for me its an extreme case. I belittle myself until I feel like a failure. I tell myself the best thing I could do is end it all now so everyone can go on without me. The one thing I cling to that keeps me from hurting myself is the thought of what it would do to all the people who need me if I were to take my own life. The thought of protecting them from that is all that keeps my demons at bay.

My brother and Dad seem to really like abusing me verbally and bring down my self esteem by a lot. My dad after he verbally insults me usually hits me afterwards. I'm only 13 and idk what to do to bring my self esteem up and my fear of them down. Like my brother will insult me, hit me, and then when I end up crying, he just laughs. It's really cruel and I've grown up my whole life like this. I don't wanna be 13 and depressed. I'mean always told to not let it get to me, but thats kinda hard when its in your ears every single day and second. Any tips on how to actually do these things without letting it hurt me?